When I was a kid, my mom introduced him to me…That was the very first time I knew him. When I knew how to read, my mom bought lots of cartoon books about his stories…My knowledge about him continued to grow. When I was in primary school, a teacher taught a course all about him…his stories intruded a bigger space in my mind. My mum brought me to Sunday school along with my brothers and sisters…again Sunday school teacher told us much about him…my understanding about him again grew. Before going to school in the morning and going to bed at night, my parents read his stories…Simply…I knew him since I was very young, but I didn’t really know him and what to do with him…one thing for sure is that he was keeping an eye on me.
As a kid, I didn’t understand what he was doing, wasn’t even aware what he was planning in me. I was bloody busy with my own interests, my games, and my toys. Even though I knew and heard about him, I didn’t really care with him. His existence never became a matter for me.
After several years, I biologically grew to become a teen. In this period, I was much more self-centered, but at the same time felt insecure and unconfident (just like usual teens!). In the period between a teen and a young adult, I faced lots of difficulties in life. At that moment, I was away from parents, only visited them fortnightly. This continued for about three years. In these three years and facing serious problems with classmates, while I was away from my parents, unexpectedly, I began to notice him. I felt that there were no other friends but him, no way out but come to him, no someone to talk to, but him. Lucky me, I had someone to share my problem with.
However, this friendship lasted not long. The situation at that time forced me to not think about him anymore. My priority was different; he was only someone who mattered when I was in a trouble. But, he didn’t say anything. In a very short time, I completely forgot about him, never put him into my account. My dream was only to pursue what this world valued the most. Lucky me, he didn’t leave me but still kept an eye on me.
When I was a young adult, the time when I achieved one of my dreams to study in a favorite university in my country, I completely caught by him in an afternoon when someone invited me to her house. It might be exaggerating if I say that he caught me. But that was what I felt. I was visiting a friend of mine in an afternoon to have a chat. We were discussing lots of things, until to a point ‘about him’. I don’t really remember how our conversation ended up in that topic. That afternoon became an important point in my life. At that moment, I felt something different in my heart because my friend could not stop talking about his goodness, love, and care for me. I just could not imagine how he kept care about me when I was not even thinking about him. At the very moment, I accepted his love and was flooded with happiness. Since then, the direction of my life was a little bit bended from what I planned before. He became the one who mattered in every decision I made.
As other new relationships, I was always happy to meet him. Before starting activities in the morning, I spent time to talk to him, to hear what he was saying. In the evening before going to sleep, I also had long conversation with him. I even wrote a letter each day to him saying what I was doing and what problem I faced each day. Our relationship grew stronger as the conversation got more often.
However, it only took several months until I began feeling bored with that relationship. I wasn’t aware that the conversation with him was reduced; time to be together also was getting less than before. My letter, instead of a letter each day, I wrote him once a week, before I finally stopped writing him. This relationship then got faded and ended after three years from the first time I accepted his love. Well, at least from my side, it was over. Since then, I only think of him occasionally, when I was in a trouble, simply, when I needed him.
The characters of him that I never forget are that he is loving kind, slow to anger, and merciful. I know those characters very well. That’s why I often use his good characters to benefit me. See, I only came to him when I needed him. However, I forgot his other characters that he hates sins and could be angry with me anytime. And if he is angry, nothing could stop him from what he will do.
About four years, our relationship was in trouble. I was the one who was guilty, for sure. I don’t deserve his love, to tell the truth. But, lucky me, he kept his love for me. He was waiting for me for four years until I came back and he gave me the second chance.
In the beginning of 2008 until now, our relationship has been stronger again, even though sometimes it is not that exciting. He lets me pursue what I wanted in order to reveal himself to me, to introduce how he cares for me. I am so blessed that I find him here, even though I can find him anywhere anytime. I cannot imagine what will happen to me if in the past he left me. I might value things as how this world values things, and that’s what I am scared of the most.
Have you ever found the one who loves and cares you so much? I have, he is God.